And I'm Ok With That

3:50 PM Posted In , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I had a great morning today. I have officially met my first person, in real life, who has lupus. I know many, many people online who have it. But it felt amazing to meet someone in person who I share a connection with. Not only do we share the common bond of lupus, but we also understand each other. We understand the weird twitches that we both get and yet other people stare at us thinking "Are you ok?" We know about the pain and swelling in the joints that lupus causes. We get those nights where you just can't sleep, no matter how hard you try. How all of a sudden you get boiling hot yet on the outside you feel cool as a cucumber. We get the headaches that feel your head is going to implode and Tylenol just doesn't cut it.

We understand each other. As simple as that sounds, it is an amazing feeling. I had the opportunity to meet one of the strongest people I have ever met. Despite all of her chronic conditions, she still keeps going. She loves her family, her friends, and even on the hardest days, she still loves her self. I admire her for that because on my hardest days, I sometimes don't love myself. Maybe that's why I get so grumpy on my worst days? Because I don't like who I am and what lupus has caused me to become? Now don't get me wrong, on most days I like who I am, I love who I am, most parts of course. I love my personality, I love my voice, I love that when I hear music I see music too. I love my eyes and how expressive they can be. I love my freakishly long tongue that I will stick out at the most random moments just to make others laugh. I love a lot of things about me on my good days. But on my bad days, I just don't see much to love.

Despite all of those things, I'm ok with that. I'm ok with the fact that I'm going to have my ups and downs as I live with lupus for the rest of my life. I'm ok with the fact that I'm at risk for developing other auto-immune disorders. I'm ok with the fact that my kidneys (Mr. and Mrs. Piddles as my sister and I call them) could give out when I least expect it. I'm ok with the fact that as I go through life, I'll be forced to take more and more prescriptions to keep going. Why am I ok with this? Because I have my life, a life filled with family who loves and friends who care. And a strong woman who gives me something to hope for, something to wish for, something to live for. You know who you are, thank you. In the last few days you have given me encouragement that I never could have foreseen. Thank you. I hope you too are ok with that.

Bisous!
Erika

2 comments:

RA Guy said...

What a great attitude! Glad to hear that you met someone else with lupus. I still have not met anyone else in my age range who has rheumatoid arthritis...

Loverly Lupie Me said...

Thank you! Well, she's a few years older than me, but that really doesn't matter. For me, it's not about the age, it's about the connection. Because with a connection comes understanding. And when two people can connect and understand, a friendship grows.

I hope you find someone soon! Then y'all can sit back and have lovely conversation like I had this morning:-)