Missing The Past While Trying To Find The Future

10:01 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I had a fabulous dream last night, it was a dream come true sort of dream. I dreamed that a friend of mine came into a lot of money, and I mean a lot! Now this friend came up to me and gave me a check for $7,000. Crazy, I know! The rule was that I had to pick a charity to give this money to. I was thrilled, ecstatic, overjoyed, I was feeling everything that could be wonderful. I felt in this dream, I remember feeling all of these emotions. The experience of that was just so amazing, it was a feeling that I doubt I will ever experience again.

Now in my dream I chose the Lupus Foundation of America for my charity. There wasn't even a doubt in my mind about it. Choosing the LFA felt so right to me in my heart and mind. The dream didn't last for too much longer though, I remember donating the $7,000 and feeling thrilled about it. I woke up thinking it was real but I quickly snapped back to reality.

Right now I'm missing my days of doing mission work. I wish I could just pack up my things and go to some far away land and work with the people. I wish I could go repair roofs, paint buildings, install screen windows, mix cement, I wish I could do it all! I miss hanging out with the locals and hearing their life stories. I loved every single moment of it, even though at times it was physically and emotionally tolling. How I wish I could go on another mission trip, I miss it all so much!

I believe that people go on mission trips to heal others and in the process they heal themselves. Maybe life has been a bit too unfair lately and I need to be healed? Could that be the reason why all of a sudden I want to hop on a plane and go to a far away location? Probably. I need to feel that I have a purpose in this life. I know once I'll feel better once I get a job. At that point I'll be feeling out the territory and finding my purpose.

For now I'll be residing in this small city, job searching day in and day out. I just keep hoping something works out for me. All I can do is to keep trying, learning, and living. It's hard though to wake up every day and think "Is today the day?" And at the end of the day you realize it wasn't. It's hard to keep hoping when you feel like you don't have much to hope for. I'm having to move into a new career path and it's difficult because I really don't have experience. But I can't work the same jobs I used to because my body won't allow it to happen. Because I have no experience, I can't get a job. So my optimistic self keeps hoping that someone is going to give me a chance. Someone will see my smile and instead of focusing on my resume, they'll focus on my heart. It's all going to work out though, probably not today, tomorrow, or next week, but one day it's going to work out.
Bisous!
Erika

1 comments:

mattonfire said...

I totally understand the feeling of wanting to hop on a plane and fly far away. Start over in a new city. Or a new state. Or a new country. All in the name of finding your passion. But really, I think your purpose lies inside you somewhere. It just seems easier to go searching for it rather than to let it come out of you. I'm working on that, too.