An Apology Of Sorts

11:48 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Instead of cleaning like I'm supposed to be doing, I'm sitting here and writing this blog. What can I say? It's a Saturday and as much as I love cleaning and the end result, I would rather be out having fun. Well I don't have money or anyone currently available to have fun with. So I have a feeling I'll be spending this Saturday alone with the wood polish and vacuum cleaner. Thrilling!

I need to apologize to my readers, here lately I've been down. And when I first started this blog people found my enthusiasm for life invigorating. People thought it was great that I was so bright and cheery about everything, despite what I'm going through. Most of you know that I've been going through a rough time. I'm not really depressed, I'm just so overwhelmed by life that I don't know where to start. I've been searching for jobs every single day and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I know I'm also not alone when it comes to finding a job. I feel that is what makes it so hard, everyone is fighting for the same jobs and yet there can only be one winner. And I certainly have not been the winner.

I also feel that the lupus has caused some of my mood changes. Apparently that can happen so in a way, it's completely normal or to be expected. I feel that I might feel better once I have a job, once I get a little bit of hope. But right now I feel kind of stuck, I don't know what to do or how to do it. I just want to lead a productive life where I'm able to help others and honestly, I don't know how to go about it. I hope once I get a job I'll be able to volunteer more because by that point, I'll have gas money to get to my destination. I know it will do everyone some good once I'm able to volunteer. If I'm still unhappy after I get a job and after I volunteer then I'll know that it's something that probably needs to be medicated.

You would think that I would be used to be sick by now? I've been sick for quite a few years and it took quite a few years to get a correct diagnosis. I don't know if ever I'll get used to feeling "under par" day in and day out? I have my good days and my bad days and I never feel quite normal like I used to. I always have a general achy feeling, like something isn't quite right and I can't put my finger on it. I'm pretty much always exhausted and I'm expected to function at a normal level. Most days I can handle it but some days I get so frustrated with others because they simply don't understand. And don't even get me started on really bad days because at that point, I probably won't be talking to anyone.

Oh and on a sort of fun note, with my Site Meter I can see where my readers are from. It's nothing specific, don't worry I don't know your names or anything like that. But I have readers from Europe and South America which I think is pretty snazzy. I of course have followers in the United States and a couple in Canada. I want to thank each and every one of you for stopping by and reading my blog. I would love to get some feedback from those of you who haven't commented. If you're shy, don't be! Even if you don't like some parts of my blog let me know why and I'll try to fix it. If you want to follow my blog it's easy to do, just scroll down while looking to the right and find "Followers." All you need is a Google account which is basically a Gmail email address. If you already have one, you're set!

If you haven't read my blog post from yesterday Hoping For Help please do. I know this may be asking for too much but I'm going to go out on a limb. If you have an email account would you considering emailing the link to your friends? These days so many junky emails get forwarded around, could you forward this for me? I know it's not a cute picture of a kitty sitting on top of a dog, or a funny story about an old married couple. But it's my life and I keep hoping that someone will be able to help. If you have Twitter or Facebook could you spread the news across there as well? I promise you that if ever any of you come to me asking for help, I will do everything in my power to help you. I know that doesn't mean very much but I'll do whatever I can to be of assistance.

I'll even make it easy for you, here's the direct link to Hoping For Help, perfect for an email:
If you wanted to Tweet it or make it part of your Facebook status, here is the shortened URL:

Please, just take a minute out of your day and do this for me. The favor will be returned to you one of these days, I promise. One day I'll figure out a way to give back to every one of you. Thank you:-)


P.S.- Once I get a job and am able to volunteer these posts will get better. Expect to hear some exciting life changing adventures! Will you hear stories about my job, no because they probably won't be meant to be shared. But I'll be making my small start in changing the world. Just bear with me for the time being.