Breaking Point

12:13 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
I have spent the past three hours scouring the wide world of Google and dialing phone numbers asking if a business was hiring. I have come to the conclusion that Richmond is the worst place to try and find a job in. I would probably have better luck in Russia and I don't even speak Russian. If I find a job soon, a job that I can handle working at, a job that doesn't require me to be on my feet for six hours, it will be a miracle. All I can do is sit here and cry because I'm trying so hard. I keep making mistake, after mistake, after mistake. Whatever happened to the detail oriented person of yesteryear? Oh yes, lupus happened.

Now usually I am a bright and optimistic person, usually it takes a lot to get me down. But the past few weeks have been one struggle right on top of the next with no time to recover. The past few weeks have been so hard that I feel as if I've lost my mind. It's hard enough that the past 3 years of my life were spent being pretty dearn sick. Now that I'm starting to get better, I can't get a job because I've been out of commission. And no one in this economy wants to hire someone who hasn't worked in three years, it means they are rusty. Right now I hate myself because I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I need something to go right. I need someone to give me a chance. I need a boost to my self esteem (which my Mom believes is made up mumbo jumbo). Well, I'm sorry but I'm feeling pretty low.

And the weird thing about it all is that I'm still trying. I'm trying my hardest to find a job. I'm trying my hardest to stay positive. It's really hard though to stay positive when no one, and I mean no one, will give you a chance. All I'm asking for is a chance, that's all I need is for someone to say "You can come work for me for two weeks and after two weeks I'll make a decision." I'm ok with that because I'm a really hard worker, I push myself even though I'm "not supposed to." I want a job so I can be a productive member of society. I know everyone is in my position but at this point, I think everyone has a better chance than me.

My head is killing me, my heart is breaking, my body is exhausted. I feel so low that I feel like I can't take it. I need a helping hand, I need a job, having a job will help me more than you can understand. I wish that someone would just come to me and say "Come work for me, please you would be wonderful." I've called hundreds of places and I'm having absolutely no luck. I must be the most despicable person on the face of the earth.

Blog readers, I'm trying to stay strong and positive. But I'm breaking as I type. I've been have cracks show up here and there recently. But now I'm really breaking. I need a bucket of super glue to fix this crack.